Feb 2: Fitness tests and TikTok challenges
The comedy option is to show up to the big event unprepared and suffer for the lolz, but I'm really keen to not suffer and/or fail. So I've been putting in a bit of work to get more fit over the last few months. Recently that's meant iceskating (because it's winter in Amsterdam, and why not) and a few hours of running a week.
That's all good, but it isn't really the wisest way to prepare: so I've arranged for a personal trainer specializing in cycling to help me set up a training program.
This started with a fitness assessment, which happened Tuesday. It's all on a stationary bicycle, and like the hillclimbing course you need to vary resistance while cycling. The idea is that there's a warmup, then 5min, 20min and 1min tests where you try to maximize effort/wattage without burning out. Since you're not actually going 30km/h down an open road there isn't a breeze to cool you down: there's a couple of fans that move the air a bit, but this is hot work. Be glad you don’t supervise these tests for a living.
There's not much to say about the tests themselves (they're sweaty work, that's about it) but just after the first one we stopped to weigh me quickly. This was a mistake: the computer (actually an XBox!) noticed I’d stopped pedaling for a minute, decided I'd bailed, and ended the test. That first test result didn't get lost, but I did cycle quite a few virtual kilometers while we figured out that it wasn't possible to restart it and fast forward. So the 20min and 1min tests were a bit less scientific: we needed to manually time them and work out the results. I’m pretty sure the result is “needs to put in a lot of work” and a few percent error won’t change that.
Thursday was a strength test. Sadly that also included core strength, which meant a whole lot of planking - until now I thought this sort of thing was just a TikTok challenge, but apparently it's a serious fitness metric now. There was a full eight-course planking menu: regular plank, plank with one arm up, other arm up, one leg up, other leg, one leg and one arm (I’d lost most of my enthusiasm and all my core strength by now) and then back to the normal plank to round things off.
Which sounds like a good plan. But the reality is that once your core strength runs out, your pose goes from “planking” to “grovelling”. So I’m very glad I’m sharing this experience with a blog instead of a video!
The regular strength tests were a bit less cruel, to be fair: squats, kettlebells, weights, pressups. Pressups use basically the same muscles as planking, and they had not yet recovered, so that part did not go well at all. Apparently I’m in good shape for a programmer, which is right next to “world’s tallest dwarves” as backhanded compliments go.
In other news, the bike has arrived! Seems to be the right size, and have all the right pieces, so I'm feeling good about things. Hopefully I can get it assembled and go out for a decent ride this weekend, I'm well overdue for one.
